Ego Death in the Emigrant Wilderness

              Two days ago I set out on an adventure to do my 1^st solo backpacking trip.  Originally it was supposed to be 2 nights and 3 days out and with my son for his 1^st backpacking trip, but it ended up being 1 night and 2 days out alone.  When my son told me that he wouldn’t be going I was disappointed but now I am grateful he made that decision because I wouldn’t have been taught the lessons I hopefully will hold onto for the remainder of this life here.

              The Universe has been working on me my whole life to just go with the flow and trust in the outcomes of each day.  It has been a hard program to change with a workaholic Father and an Aries Rising sign.  But regardless I continue the quest to just allow and see how it all rolls out obviously with some “safety nets”, i.e. my planning for the worst.  Originally, I was to leave Sunday, pack out on Monday and return Wednesday.   But in my go with the flow attitude and I have to get all this stuff done before I leave goal I left Monday, packing out Tuesday to return Thursday am.  This was a blessing, thank you Universe for my programming, because it poured rain Monday night 5pm to Midnight in athe Emigrant Wilderness.  I slept in a hammock with a pretty flimsy tarp type thing so 7 hours of rain would have made that real fun, with pessimism.  Here is where I look back and say everything happens for a reason and that will be pointed out again in this story.

              So after I comfortably get everything done on Monday, including dehydrating my own backpacking food, I leave to spend the night close to Kennedy Meadows where I will be packing out of.  After I get my wilderness permit which was quite comical cause I knew the route I was going but didn’t really know exactly where I would camp, so I just blindly guessed and even threw in a couple more nights for good measure even though I knew I wanted to be back by Thursday night at home.  Honestly, that should have been the indication that I needed to plan my route a little better instead of focusing on dehydrating the best food in backpacking history.  Priorities.  I park the truck, gear up and take off for the 1.5 mile warm up to the entrance of the Emigrant Wilderness in Kennedy Meadows.  My proud moment was when I passed the bar without stopping in on the way. 

              There I am crossing over into the wilderness of being totally alone with all my thoughts, decisions and dependency.  It was an invigorating and exciting feeling to be at one with nature and the elements.  I had hiked this area before for the first 5 miles so I knew the terrain that I had to begin with which was challenging but extremely beautiful.  After that I tried to settle into a 45lb pack with a 3,000 feet elevation gain goal (key word goal, remember that).  I decided to take an attitude of resting as much as needed and just get as far as you can then camp.  It also was decided that a weed gummy would take off some of the stress of the situation so that happened.  I had even lined up a lunch stop with the timing of the munchies.

              The lunch stop occurred at the conjunction of the small stream crossing and one of my physical comforts during this hike was dipping my feet/ankles into the ice-cold water.  Then after doing so applying some homemade CBD oil on those joints.  I highly recommend putting some CBD into your pack and planning to do this as well if you go backpacking.  It’s a game changer!  I was still feeling pretty good at this point but was only 3 hours and 700 feet gain into the hike.  The one challenge I want to also note is that the trail I was hiking was very well used by horses which I have no issue with except that the use of and lack of maintenance makes hiking some areas of these trails extra difficult for hikers.  There are lots of additional rocks for potentially rolling an ankle and very large step ups or downs.  I will forever note this trail for that in my mind for future hikes.

              I continued for another 2 hours with more frequent stops and another 700 foot elevation gain.  Then the sleepy time part of the gummy kicked in, and I felt extremely exhausted so with my go with the flow attitude I stopped, got out my sleeping bag and took a nap for 2 hours.  When I woke up, I was ready to hike til nearly dark to where I’d camp which was another hour and 500 feet gain. I found a nice spot with the river flowing by, YouTubing deep diving advised me the sound would help me sleep and it was right, a clear area for a fire and two trees 10-14 feet apart like my instructions told me for my hammock.  On that note I highly recommend considering using a hammock for shorter trips with drier weather because it really saves weight in your pack and to me is more comfortable than the ground.

              If fear was going to set in, I knew it would be during this time.  Before I departed, I put 3 rocks in my pocket without really thinking about it too much.  They were Obsidian, Howlite and Kyanite.  I knew my intuition had led me to do so and I was going with it.  When I was setting up camp, I knew that the Obsidian crystal was doing its work clearing negative energies and offering protection.  I felt at peace and focused on what had to be done during the last moments of light before it was the darkest.  And it would truly be dark because it was July 14, the night of the New Moon.  This trip was serving for me so many pivotal realizations and events to turn my trajectory in the direction I wanted to go.

              During the remaining daylight I was able to put up my hammock, make a fire and collect water.  The realization I came to while I was doing these activities was how much of my Root Chakra abilities were coming out.  Being in survival mode I concentrated on the basics I needed to live out there.  When it became dark and I saw the first star sitting by the fire I was truly settled in the space and enjoying my dinner.  I sat there and watched all the stars pop out and tears came to my eyes for the experience I was able to have because I did not let the obstacles get in my way.

              When I was ready, I extinguished the fire per my campfire permit I obtained and put my Bear Vault 100 feet away from camp.  Then I organized my hammock so I would have all the things needed once I got into it.  Those included a 6-inch knife called the defender, my lightweight book, a journal (pen got lost in the shuffle), a flashlight, a small solar lantern and camp shoes.  I read until I felt the sleepiness needed and slept through the night pretty well with the sound of the river overpowering any little sounds that may have kept me awake.  I awoke the next morning feeling refreshed and ready for whatever was in store for the day.  Surprisingly, my body didn’t hurt too bad either. 

              My morning routine involves something hot to drink after drinking water to get things started inside so I made a fire.  I do highly recommend the JetBoil for backpacking although I didn’t have to use it on this trip.  If I had weather or stayed out longer, I may have used a camp stove but fires seem to have a way of warming the soul and offering company when there is no one else.  It took me a couple of hours to get back on the trail, and I had realized that my plan to hike all the way to Emigrant Lake on the first day was a pipe dream.  I also didn’t even quite make it to Sheep Camp, which is the normal stopping point after a day’s hike on this trail.  At this point I feel that my ego really had taken a hit and I wasn’t going to make any of the camp points my wilderness permit stated.  This is where the EGO DEATH happened and I became humble to the situation.  I knew everything had changed because what I expected of myself physically just wasn’t possible. 

              Now, with no expectations from myself and obviously there were none of others I could frankly do whatever the hell I felt like.  WOW, that’s big!  To finally be free from expectations, oh but don’t worry they come back later………  The new plan was to hike to Sheep Camp, which was another 2 miles roughly, and play in the water for a couple of hours.  I did make it and it was absolutely gorgeous but extremely difficult physically with another 500 feet elevation gain.  My time there was worth everything I had hurdled over to get there.  I found a beautiful watering hole where I was able to cold plunge and remove the day and a half of grime on my body and explore the water flowing through rock formations and emptying into the flowing river.  The sun shown down on me as I meditated and I was reminded of the perfect love that my Eternal Father has for me.  In this life I refer to them as a Father figure due to the protection and unconditional love that they have for me.  This moment is where the Howlite crystal was kicking in connecting my Crown Chakra with my higher consciousness and the divine.

              At this point I knew I got what I needed and I succumbed that my level of fitness would not allow me to climb any higher, so I turned back the way I came.  My new expectation was to return that day back to Kennedy Meadows and not spend another night out.  I wasn’t afraid of spending another night, I just wanted to get that pack off my back as soon as possible.  The load I had was too much for a one nighter.  This is where I was glad my son had not come on the trip because it did not go as planned.

              My determination and mostly an all-downhill trail got me back to Kennedy Meadows in 6 hours.  During that time, I rested by that stream again as I did on the way and my feet felt rejuvenated and allowed me to return safely.  My mindset was of a nature of self-love to be able to recognize what my limitations were.  I was able to let my ego not take charge and know that it was ok to not meet my expectations.  This will not be the last time my ego gets tested and I welcome all future tests because without them growth may be halted.

This all from a girl right here who had been talking about hiking/climbing Mt. Whitney, which is the highest peak in the contiguous United States.  Because of this experience I now know that there will be a lot more preparations needed to achieve that.  I also know that listening to my body first and foremost is what I should do no matter what the expectations are.  Now I know why I do a lot of things by myself so that the only one I feel I let down is myself.  I want to say this will not be a permanent way of thinking as I will also let go of others expectations enough to be able to rejoin with company.

One of my driving thoughts as I was descending was stopping into the bar and having a burger which I did.  I got to talking to this gal Marilyn and she said, “Don’t be so hard on yourself”.  That really stuck with me obviously cause I’m writing about it.  She also said “You gotta do grounding” which I thought kind of funny cause I consider myself to do a lot of that.  The Kyanite in my pocket also helped me ground and anchored me to the Earth.  Marilyn is a salt of the Earth kind of gal who works for Kennedy Meadows doing maintenance.  It was nice to be back to where the people are and made me appreciate them more and even miss them a little. 

I hope that this little tale made you laugh, gave you a backpacking tip, helped you understand crystals or gave you some insight of some sort.  Thank you for reading and dare to take your next adventure!

None of this was made with AI 😊